A story about nothing
by Mrs. A Skywalker
Summary: The title says it all! It is a Seinfeld crossover story. and its about nothing.
1. Chapter 1

**One**

It was a cloudy day on Coruscant, traffic going in each direction was relatively smooth. Obi wan was driving Padme and Dorme home from a meeting at the senatorial rotunda.  
Padme looked over her shoulder to Dorme who was sitting in the back seat, "I am sure Anakin will wear it Dorme. And it would look really nice on him. Don't worry."

Dorme shrugged her shoulders and muttered something too low to hear.

Padme looked at Obi wan, "Thank you for the ride home Obi wan."

"No problem whatsoever, my lady. I know Anakin has an appointment with Master Yoda. I am here whenever you guys need assistance. After all I live right across the hall." He gave Padme a charming smile. Obi wan didn't realize that at that moment a speeder quickly swerved into his lane cutting him off.

Dorme screamed, "Look out!"

Obi wan looked ahead and slammed on this breaks. Instinctually, his right arm shot out across Padme's chest protecting her from lunging forward and possibly hitting her head on the dashboard. "Is everyone alright?"

Dorme nodded her head and muttered under her voice.

Padme just nodded uncomfortably and folded her arms in an attempt to protect her chest from being touched again.

Padme and Dorme walked through the door of the apartment to see Anakin watching the pod-racing tournament in the living area. He spoke without turning from the holonet, "Hey ladies, how was your day?"

Dorme mumbled something inaudible. Padme swallowed, "I-It was fine Ani."

Anakin, through the force, could sense that something was wrong. He got up and walked over to Padme, "Angel, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. H-how was your appointment?"

Anakin said, "Yoda taught me a relaxation technique to use when I feel my temper will get out of control. He says I should close my eyes and say the words, 'serenity now'."

"Does it work?"

"I haven't had a reason to try it yet."

Dorme snickered. Anakin glared at her and furled his eyebrows but then he softened and looked back at his wife. "What's wrong Angel? Don't deny it. I can sense something isn't right. Tell me." Anakin's blue eyes bore through her compelling her to spill.

Padme looked away, "Ani, we were almost involved in a car accident."

"Oh, are you both alright?"

"Yes." She sighed.

"But that is not what's bothering you. What is it?" Anakin persisted.

"It was Obi wan -- he - he." She hesitated. Just then Dorme shot her right arm out, demonstrating what Obi wan did.

Anakin's jaw clenched and his breathing became uneven.

"Anakin, don't do anything. Leave Obi wan alone." Padme's pleads went unheeded as Anakin stormed out of the apartment and across the hall. He banged on the door, "Obi wan Kenobi you open this door, now!"

Obi wan opened the door surprised, "What in the name of the --"

"Don't be coy with me, Master." Anakin seethed.

"Well what happened? "

Anakin pointed his gloved finger, "You did the 'stop-short' on my wife!"

"Stop - what? Wh-what are you talking about?" Obi wan gestured curiously.

"The stop- short! I used to do it to Padme all the time when we were dating." Anakin imitated hitting the brakes on a car and shooting his right arm out. "MMMM! I stop short!"

"I assure you Anakin. I did not have any sexual contact with that woman." Obi wan wagged a finger. "It was purely in the interest of keeping her safe."

"I'll bet."

"I would not cop a feel on your wife Anakin." Obi wan sighed, "That is not my specialty." Obi wan smiled.

Anakin's eyes narrowed and his mouth was wry. He remembered the technique Yoda taught him and closed his eyes, "Serenity now!"

"What?"

"It's a technique Master Yoda taught me."

"Are you supposed to yell it out?"

"He wasn't specific." Anakin sensed the truth from Obi wan and said, "Alright Obi wan I'll let it slide but I am watching you." He said suspiciously.

Anakin turned and walked back into his apartment.

"Anakin I hope you didn't cause any unnecessary trouble."

"It wasn't unnecessary." He strolled back to the couch and sat down to watch the tournament.

Padme rolled her eyes and went into the bathroom.

Dorme sat down next to Anakin and began muttering.

"Huh?" Anakin looked at her confused.

Dorme looked obviously nervous about what she was saying and continued mumbling.

"I'm sorry Dorme I can't - I don't understand you." Anakin shook his head.

Dorme stopped and sighed. She finally stood up and walked over the easy chair by the window. She picked up a garment bag and showed it to him. She muttered something inaudible.

Anakin sighed. _Why can't she speak up! Maybe if I say something she'll go away. _Anakin, anxiously wanting to watch the tournament, became annoyed and simply nodded his head. He looked back to the holonet. Dorme walked closer to him and mumbled again.

"Yeah yeah. uh huh." Anakin waved her off. Dorme was so excited she nearly hit the ceiling.

Padme came out of the bathroom. Dorme ran over to her and hugged her.

"Oh Dorme that's great! I told you he would do it" Padme smiled. "You'd better go, you're running late."

Dorme was beaming. She muttered again and ran out of the door.

Anakin looked at the time. "Oh gods, I gotta go. I'm going to be late for the council meeting." He stood up and walked towards the stairs to the bedroom.

"Ani, here take this." She handed him the garment bag.

"Oh, Dorme forgot her bag."

"No she didn't. She brought this for you."

"What?" Anakin was lost.

"She is trying to launch her new clothing line of Jedi apparel. She thought it would be great if you could kind of -- show it off -- to get her name out there. You know, to help her out.  
She said you told her you'd do it." Padme opened the garment bag to reveal a cream-colored cotton long sleeve shirt. It had ruffles at the collar and at the cuffs. The shirt also featured puffy sleeves and buttons down the front. It was hideous shirt. "You could wear it under your leather tunic."

Anakin's eyes nearly popped out of his head, "What the hell-"

"Anakin you said you'd wear it." Padme sighed placing her hand on her hip.

"When did I say that?" Anakin pointed at the shirt.

"Just now Anakin. When I was in the bathroom."

"You mean that's when she was talking and --" He remembered her showing him the garment bag and becoming excited when he nodded. "I couldn't hear her! I couldn't understand what she was saying!"

"Oh well." Padme was unsympathic.

"Padme. She is a low talker and you know it!"

"Anakin you promised."

"What! When did --" He took another look at the shirt, "No Jedi in their right mind would wear that!" He sneered, "You'd have better luck with a Sith."

Padme held out the bag and gave him a cold stare. "And pick up a marble rye on your way home."

Anakin caved and took the garment bag, "Fine!" He started his way up the stairs. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes. His teeth were clenched "Serenity now."


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the long delay. I have two other fics (one of which is almost done) that I am working on. I needed to devote more time to get them finished so I had to take a break from this one. But as soon as it is finished I will be updating this fic more often. And I decided to develop it more. Thank you for the feedback and the support. I hope you guys stick around and you guys think that this chapter is funny too. If you like this fic, tell a friend.

* * *

**Two**

Noontime on Coruscant usually was a busy time for restaurateurs. It was especially busy for one infamous restauranteur that was known for his spectacular knee buckling soups throughout the known galaxy. The line usually led out of the store and around the nearest corner. The customers didn't mind because the owner kept a strict procedure for fulfilling orders that made the lines move quickly and also because the soup was worth it.

Taking notice of the excited customers leaving the store with soup in hand, Mace looked ahead at Anakin and Obi wan, "I can't believe how happy these people are to have their soup. Is it really that good?"

"Its true what they say. You can't eat it standing up." Obi wan said with a smile.

Just before they reached inside of the store, Anakin turned and said, "Master Windu, before we go in, there are some rules you have to know."

"Rules?" Mace looked at Anakin incredulously. "For what? Soup?"

"He's been nicknamed the Soup Sith. He is just as popular as his soups because of his strict rules." Obi wan said.

"Listen, number one," Anakin counted the rules on his fingers, "have your money out and ready when you go in. Number two- Step up to the counter, put down your money and order your soup. Number three - Take a couple steps to the side, take your soup and leave."

"And there is no talking on line." Obi wan added.

"You guys have got to be kidding me. I am not doing that. Who does this guy think he is? He should be happy to get my business."

Anakin stepped into the store, "You have to or else you'll get in trouble!" he said in a strained whisper. "Watch us and you'll see how it's done."

Mace rolled his eyes as he watched Anakin and Obi wan emotionlessly proceed to order their soups. The store was mostly run by droids. When in the store the customers spoke and moved like droids. The head chef and storeowner dishing out the soup to the customers was none other than Count Dooku, looking rather ominous in his white food server's hat. There he stood over the counter preparing the soup order with a menacing glare laced upon his next customer. Finally, Obi wan stepped to the side to pay for and receive his soup. Mace slowly stepped forward surveying all the soups in his display. He ran a hand over his shiny dome and left it on his chin as he decided which soup he wanted.

"Is that ahh- Shrimp bisque over there?"

Dooku narrowed his eyes into icy slits. "Yes."

"Hmm. I don't know exactly what I feel like having." He spoke slowly as he rubbed his chin "What soup is that in the corner there?" He pointed on the plexiglas covering.

Dooku sighed and said through clenched teeth, "Mulligatawny."

"That looks good. Yeah. Okay, one Mulligatawny for me, please."

Dooku grumbled under his breath as he snatched an empty soup cup from the side and began filling it up. When he was done, he passed over to the droid operating the cash machine to bag it and gave Mace a steely gaze. Mace checked his wallet and said, "I'm sorry guys. Do you have change for 50?"

The droid looked at Dooku whose eyes were now overshadowed by his furled eyebrows. Dooku was seething as his nostrils flared. The droid took the money and started making change. Mace looked in the bag. Furling his brow, he said, "Hey, I didn't get any bread."

"Just forget it and go." Anakin strained another whisper from the doorway of the store.

Mace ignored Anakin and spoke louder to the droid, "I didn't get any bread."

"You want bread!" thundered Dooku, "Four credits!"

"What!" Mace said in disbelief, "For bread!"

"No soup for you!" Dooku yelled then snapped his finger at the droid at the register. The droid quickly snatched back the soup and handed Mace his money. Dooku pointed, "Come back in one year!"

Mace glared and stormed out of the store.

"I am terribly sorry to have dropped in on you, Padme." Chancellor Palpatine spoke stretching his arms out on the couch. "I don't normally do things like this."

"It's really not a problem, chancellor." Padme said placing a tray with two glasses of juice on the table before him. She sat down in the armchair. "You are always welcome."

"Thank you, my dear." Palpatine smiled graciously. He took one of the glasses and said, "I wanted to speak with you about a matter of great importance."

"Really?"

"I am sure you are well aware of our mission to seek out several systems still in the galaxy that house intelligent life forms which are not accounted for and represented in the senate. If successful, the system will be annexed into the republic." He sipped his drink, "This has resulted in a series of expeditions, the first of which is will be to the forest moon of Endor."

"Endor?" Padme was surprised to hear the name. Just the thought of exploring and discovering new worlds gave her goose bumps. She heard many things about the indignous tribes on Endor. She imagined herself learning their languages. She pictured herself and Anakin enjoying an energizing hike through the forest. A smile slowly made its way across her face. "That sounds exciting!" Padme leaned forward.

"I am to go along with two senators of my choosing amongst the three that have been nominated." Palpatine leaned forward, "Mon Mothma, Bail Organa and you have been nominated to attend."

"Really?" Padme's mouth dropped, "I -I just can't believe it. I was hoping I would be nominated. I would love to go, Chancellor." Padme asked. "Have you chosen anyone yet?"

"As a matter of fact, Mon mothma has been chosen so far. I just need one more senator. It seems it's between you and Bail Organa."

"How will you decide?"

"Well, Padme," Palpatine sighed and place his drink on the coffee table. He paused quickly assessing a thought, "I really shouldn't be saying this but, I would have picked you already but there is a matter to consider."

"What's that?"

"You are a very dedicated and loyal servant of the republic and I am well aware of the numerous obligations and commitments you already have. I know your hands are full. You couldn't possible attend this expedition."

"Oh, no, no chancellor. I can go. I can attend."

"But my dear, it is impossible for you to take on any more projects."

Padme wrung her hands and bit her bottom trying so hard not to seem too desperate, while her mind stretched in all directions to find a way to persuade him. Her breath became shallow and then finally a solution came to her.

"It's no problem, chancellor. I can have Senator Lucy assist me with my duties." Padme spoke quickly hoping Palpatine would catch the fabricated name.

"Senator --" Palpatine raised his eyebrows as he spoke with uncertainty.

"S-senator Lucy." Padme stammered over her words. "Y-yes. She always takes care of duties when I am overloaded. She can handle two - three or all of my projects for me. She such a nice person."

"Strange, I've never heard of her before." Palpatine stroked his chin.

"Well, that's because she never leaves her office." Padme spoke slowly as she made up her reason. "She is a slave to her work." She nodded and laughed nervously.

"What system is she from?" Palpatine spoke more clearly.

"Huh?"

"What system is she from?"

"Uh--Ummmm- Mus--Mustar." Padme said anxiously with a nervous grin.

"That would explain why she is always free to help you with you duties." Palpatine looked away. "Mustafar pretty much runs itself." He chuckled. "I am surprised that such a loyal senator has gone overlooked."

"She shies away from attention or recognition."

"Well then I guess it's settled then. You will attend the expedition to Mustafar."

"Great! Oh thank you, chancellor. Thank you!" Padme shook his hands.

Obi wan and Anakin walked into a bookstore along the way home. Anakin walked in behind Obi wan and said, "Why do you think Sabe would want a book for your three month anniversary?"

"Sabe loves books. I thought a recipe book would be great."

"Why are you guys celebrating three months? It's ridiculous."

"She could be the one, Anakin. Besides it's what she'd like."

Anakin shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

As they looked through the books, Obi wan spotted Yoda standing in one of the aisles behaving very strangely. Obi wan nudged Anakin. "Hey isn't that Yoda over there?"

"Yes, what's he doing?" Anakin stared at the little master.

Yoda stood carefully and slowly pulling small books from the shelves and stuffing them in his tunic. He carefully checked both ends of the aisle each time before stuffing his tunic. There were some books from the top shelf that he apparently used the force to get. He didn't notice Obi wan approaching.

"Master Yoda." Obi wan stood with his hands on his waist, "What are you doing?"

"Oh! Obi wan," Yoda chuckled nervously, "looking for books on meditation, I am."

"You are in the aisle for romance novels, and you are stealing!" Obi wan did not attempt to hide the disgust in his voice.

"Quiet you must be, for this I must do." Yoda looked from left to right before stuffing another book in his tunic.

"Why are you stealing romance novels?"

"Have them they do not in the Jedi archives. Told me they did, they do not exist, if have them they do not." Yoda turned his attention back to the books on the shelves and continued searching for another book.

"The librarian can be arrogant at times." Anakin sympathized.

"That is no reason to steal. You are a Jedi Master! What you are doing is wrong."

"My own council will I keep on what I do."

"What if you are caught?"

"875 years I am. Understand they will."

Anakin leaned down, "Can you try to get a Rogue squadron novel for me."

"Do or do not. There is no try." Yoda winked an eye and smiled.

"I can't believe you are encouraging him, Anakin." Obi wan walked away. Anakin followed behind "What else can we do? Stop him?"

Obi wan's eyes lit up, "I've got an idea."

"Oh no." Anakin put his hand on his forehead.

Obi wan approached a security guard and said, "Jedi master Yoda is over there stuffing books in his tunic." He pointed behind him. "I want to teach him a lesson. Could you just scare him a little?"

The guard slowly walked over toward Yoda, stopping just short of the aisle that the theft was taking place. He spoke into his comlink. "We have a perp in the romance aisle committing a 24-18. Get into position and on my command, we move."

Several moments passed while two other guards moved into position. When all the guards were poised for the ambush, the lead guard spoke into the comlink in a strained whisper, "Alright boys, SWARM! SWARM! SWARM!"

At once the security guards moved in to grab the little Jedi master. Yoda performed a sweeping kick and a drop kick knocking the guards on their backs. Some of the books fell from Yoda's tunics. The one nearest him grabbed the only one that remained but Yoda was too fast. He grabbed on to the other end of the book and started a tug of war.

Finally seeing the need to make a quick getaway, Yoda grabbed his gimmer stick and whacked the guard on his hands, "Mine! Mine! Mine!"

The guard yelped and let go. Yoda proceeded to run toward the exit flipping over and ducking under the store clerks that attempted to stop him.

Obi wan stood in horror with his hand covering his gaping mouth, while Anakin was doubled over laughing the tears right out of his eyes.

"Have you ever seen what the inhabitants on Endor look like?" Padme asked.

"No. But I've heard that they are a rather cuddly race. Hmmmm…as I recall it was Senator Thims who regarded them as -- teddy bear like." Palpatine rubbed his chin.

Just then Anakin walked in.

"Ani, how was you're day?" Padme went to greet him with a hug.

"You wouldn't believe it." Anakin smiled as he removed his robe and slung over the nearest chair.

"How did it go with the shirt Dorme made?"

"Let's just say, if you ever see any Jedi snickering or laughing around me. You'll know why." Anakin looked at her wryly, "I really don't want to talk about it."

Palpatine stood up from the couch and moved toward the door. He approached Anakin and shook his hand, "Anakin it is always a pleasure to see you."

"Thank you, chancellor. Same here. Are you leaving already?"

"Yes, I just came by to speak with Padme. I really must be going now. Perhaps we can have lunch sometime this week?"

"Of course." Anakin smiled.

Palpatine turned toward Padme, "And maybe Senator Lucy can join us? It would be wonderful to get to know her."

Anakin drew his eyebrows together, "Senator Lucy?"

Padme gasped, "Oh." Desperate for distraction, she faked a fit of coughing.

"Are you alright, my dear?" Palpatine asked.

Padme nodded. Anakin patted her back, "I'll get you some water."

"No. No. Really I'm fine. Thank you." Clearing her throat Padme anxiously said, "Well chancellor, we shouldn't keep you any longer. I'm sure you have a busy schedule."

Palpatine winked his eye and smiled. "Alright then, goodbye."

Anakin shut the door after Palpatine left.

Padme and Anakin walked toward the couch with their arms around each other's waist.

"How was your day, my angel?" Anakin asked warmly.

"It was good. But it's better now that you're here." Padme said before they shared a kiss and shared an embrace.

"I forgot the marble rye."

"Don't worry about it."

Out of the corner of his eye, Anakin noticed something on the couch. "What's that?"

"What's what?" Padme looked toward the couch. "Oh gods!"

"That's a wet stain."

"It can't be. The chancellor was just sitting there." Padme swallowed, "What is it?"

Anakin looked closer, "It's a pee stain."

"What! On our new couch!" Padme's mouth dropped. "Why would he--" She couldn't finished the sentence. Instead she covered her mouth with her hands.

"Chancellor Palpatine peed on our couch!" Anakin's horror was quickly overshadowed by his anger. He closed his eyes and spoke through clenched teeth, "Serenity now."

**TBC**


End file.
